


if you want forgiveness , i'll give that to you.

by lostinthesounds



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bellarke, F/M, blarke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-03-31 02:31:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13965447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostinthesounds/pseuds/lostinthesounds
Summary: “We've always been a team, you and I" Bellamy speaks up, licking his sudden dry lips. He couldn’t smile at her, it felt wrong to do like this.





	if you want forgiveness , i'll give that to you.

**Author's Note:**

> dedicated to lovely people i know, like cara adri deena and kisha xox. I hope you guys enjoy!

"Clarke, would you please _stop_ ignoring me"

Bellamy spoke, pleading against the weak frame of a wooden door that she just slammed in his face. It's the second argument he's had with Clarke about Eligius in only several days, and she won't talk to him without shutting him out midway through his rants. Quite frankly, it was annoying and rude to have her shut down like that, but he went six years without hearing her voice echo in his ears about being safe and responsible and Bellamy can't say that he didn't miss it. Because he did, every second of his useless days on the ark. His hands were firmly pressed against the space next to the makeshift hinges - ones that he could still the outline of Clarke through it's weak craftsmanship. Bellamy knew she was daring him to walk inside, to face her again and realize how angry she actually was but he didn't know if he physically could. They spent five minutes yelling at eachother in front of all of their friends, including Madi which hurt Bellamy to recall because she took such a quick liking to the man. 

"There's nothing more to talk about" Clarke speaks loud enough for him to hear, but he was already listening so hard for any sudden movements that Bellamy would of heard her whispering if she did. When Bellamy returned to earth, she'd hugged him so hard that he joked about having a broken rib the next day, but the feeling of having his strong arms wrapped around her body like it's all he's ever needed, was enough to make her brush her slight hesitation instantly. It's been a month since that day, and she feels farther away from Bellamy then she ever did. 

Constant fighting over what's right and what's wrong was normal for them, and of course their friends still see the two as the perfect leadership team so they put on strong faces to fool anyone who looks their way. 

"I just wanna talk to you, let me come inside" Bellamy replies, hoping for that chance because it's important and he needs to say his opinions on all of their problems and he doesn't want to yell anymore. 

Clarke's words get caught in her throat, and she can't even match his gaze when she hears his footsteps get heavy in the room letting her know they were together again, and she fights herself to remember why she doesn't want to speak with him because she's that relieved he could do that. Everytime he used to walk into a room, either during meetings in Polis or confronting the delinquents when they first landed on this unforgiving planet, she would always feel this overwhelming rush of trust and power over her every decision because he completed her logic. They were a great team, being able to feel vulnerable and organized together. It was something Clarke never thought she would have, and she realized that after he left her to go back to space and alone. Now, she feels a void in her soul because he was the one who took it before he left, and he’s different now. 

"We're both _adults_ Clarke, and I want a better answer as to why you won't let us invade Eliguis and use them for resources"

The demanding undertone in his voice was enough for her to look down at the blueprints on her table. Monty had drew them a couple days ago, since he was the one allowed to leave his cell on the prisoner ship because he was the most intelligent so he knew most about the layout. Bellamy thought it would've been a great idea to use Monty's knowledge to his advantage, because Eliguis has what they need and will need to survive on this ground again. However he was right, they were both adults ; Clarke hated to remind herself that she aged because she wishes she was back in Arkadia at the prime age of eighteen who had her best friend to help guide her. She also wished that Bellamy wasn't separated from her life for as long as he was. 

She thinks of him, and the first thing she sees is change.

She looks at him - it's not hard to, and she sees a familiar man she knew but can't recognize for the most part. Even with his old gear on, torn and weathered because it's been so damn long since someone appreciated it and his curly mangle of hair that she always matched with him. Things that all classified with the idea of her partner, only covering whatever she couldn't break into anymore. 

"I already told you Bellamy, I'm not letting you use the guns"

Clarke's voice was stern, gaze still on the stupid blueprints suddenly feeling interested in how messy it was and realized that it could of been Bellamy who had drew it. She knew Monty wasn't the best artist, neither was Bellamy but her best guess was that he just adapted to life without Clarke. 

 

"We're a team Clarke, partners talk about problems that they disagree on" Bellamy crosses his arms, feeling the comfort when he tries to reason, feeling his heart tear in his chest because he hasn't used that word to describe their relationship ever. Bellamy wanted her to feel how one sided this whole argument was, but he understands that being in space and her on earth, definitely didn't define team in any sense of the term. Things don't make sense when he's on the ground, and it's a shame that it took his people down a ruthless path to try and make up for every previous death or kill. 

Clarke turns to him, her eyes locking with his so fast that it couldn't process in her head fast enough to lock in, but she could see from the corner of her eye that something in his aura completely changes. He's anxious now, from the constant head turns and hands interlocking behind his back because he's vulnerable now. 

"We haven't been a team in-" 

"in six years,  _please_ don't remind me" Bellamy finishes her sentence, a voice she doesn't get because she's never heard a demand so gentle pass his mouth before that moment and it sends shivers up her spine. 

"Bellamy, i'm not killing those people" Clarke finally says, a sigh leaving her lips because she was close to giving up again. She doesn't need to glare at him to know that he's shaking his head with her statement, the walls around her mind close back in because of course he would disagree. 

"They held us hostage for weeks, using us for our knowledge because I couldn’t resist myself when I heard you on the radio!? and you expect me not to feel angry about it?" Bellamy questions, slowly walking towards the hardheaded girl he used to dream about seeing. His blood boiling in his body, feeling himself get so worked up over something nobody seems to understand. 

Clarke _used_ to understand him. 

But, the thought vanished from his mind as soon as he reminds himself, because she isn't the same girl she was when they confided in eachother for eight months before praimfaya. She has a child to take care of now, and a part of him wishes that Clarke made it back to the lab and he hates it because then Madi wouldn't exist. 

"I know you're angry, we all are when it comes to Eliguis, but i'm not putting Madi at risk when the end result could kill us all because they have better technology and a whole army to feed and power"

   Clarke says, making Bellamy stop and observe her from a distance. He couldn't believe she was so opposed to the threat of Eliguis and has no faith in the ability of their people. Most importantly, it felt like she had no faith in him. Bellamy tries to ignore the hurt, trying to be logical because Madi means the world to Clarke. A smile always forming on his lips when he looks at them from across the fire at night, the little girl cuddled into Clarke's right side as her hair gets stroked by both hands to sooth the atmosphere surrounding them. 

 

"We'll have an army once we rescue the people in the bunker" 

 

"That seems like the only motive you have" Clarke snaps and glares at him, intense eyes and all. Bellamy's jaw clenches, so close to leaving her alone in the room but he knows he can't, and he won't do it. He's left her alone on a planet by herself once, and leaving a small room with just them.....hurts way more now. 

He takes some time to think about what to say, until Clarke looks away from him again and Bellamy aches to feel her eyes on him, no matter how angry or welcoming they would be because he wasn't done talking. 

"We both know that Madi is my first priority in this too, I wouldn't let anything happen to her and neither will you" Bellamy says, calming the tension in the air with his soft words and he takes the intuitive to walk over and stand next to Clarke finally, letting his presence be the only thing he offers. 

A shaky sigh leaves her lips, looking down at the way Bellamy's hands are so close to grasping her own and she replies, "I know you wouldn't let anything bad happen to her, which also means you would get yourself in trouble and hurt yourself" 

"I do that for the people I care about" Bellamy instantly retorts, words rolling off his tongue like a second nature because he has  _family_ now. He had to be with on a spacecraft he personally never wanted to return to, with a handful of friends that Bellamy knows he'll do anything for now. The love he has for all of them only grew as time went on, and he cares about them. 

He cares about Clarke too, maybe even a bit more. 

She's cooled off now, calm with him beside her because it seemed alright and normal, but Clarke's heart was beating so fast and that's when she figures something is gonna go wrong at the end of all this. She just knows. It could all go so wrong, but she can't ignore how right it felt to have him there. 

To have Bellamy stand next to her and remind her of who she was, who she was  _with him,_ was enough to make her stop and acknowledge the consequences of his actions because damnit.....Clarke knows he could be careless sometimes. 

"I don't want you to get hurt" Her fingers inching closer to his left hand, letting out a small breath as if she would miss his reaction if she exhaled too long. 

Bellamy doesn't know what to do, what to say either, because she hasn't said that to him in so long. It sounds different now, filled with worry and truth with only a touch of care because now wasn't the time. But when was a good time to talk? The world clearly throws awkwardness and tension straight in his face most of the time because he could never find any  **good** time to talk anything personal like this. 

That's why he never said it back to her face, only to the people who experienced his vulnerability after Clarke because all of his feelings was about the girl, and he would be damned if he ever said something so intimate with the world having a 50% of dying again. 

"That's the reason I don't want you to all head first into this, because you're so stubborn about getting revenge on the people who hurt us and this planet has been through so much and won't give a damn if you come back to me or not, Bellamy"

Her blonde hair blows outwards when a aggressive huff of air leaves her lips, as Clarke finishes, and realizes her fixed gaze on her hand which happened to shake against the table. She hates feeling so much about the man, how much her feelings established into something like real and authentic love. 

Then, Bellamy grasps at her hand, it was firm but all she felt was warmth spread in her veins because she could still feel her trembling fingers against the caress of his thumb against the back of her hand. 

That wasn't enough for him though, cause Bellamy wanted to hear himself say it. 

"All I wanted was a reason-" Bellamy whispers to Clarke "-And you just gave me what I've wanted to hear when we aren't fighting" 

He could feel her fingers grasp around his hold, and they just stood there to embrace the silence. Clarke's hand was craddled so perfect with a soft grip with Bellamy's rough hands, and she sighs into her next words, not understanding the extent of what they both just admitted. This was supposed to be a argument about killing innocent people brainwashed by a woman who's willing to kill her people to use the last survivable land on earth, and her reckless logical partner who's willing to risk it all too. 

"It's hard to love someone who won't love you back after six years" Clarke says, completely oblivious to the fact that Bellamy  _wanted_ her to fight for a reason for peace, to fight to convince him to be reasonable - his heart, not logical - his head. 

That's when the dynamic shifts, and changes. 

Bellamy gasps a little. "Take that back" 

"Why?" Her voice was so small, it was like the Clarke that haunted him on the Ark. 

"Why? because that's the biggest lie I've heard come from your mouth" Bellamy pulls away, pulling away from the comfort of her hand and just looks at her with disbelief. The thoughts of Eliguis and saving everyone sprung back to life from the limited bliss, she provided. 

"I've considered your feelings Clarke! I wouldn't be in here after you slammed a door in my face and had Madi look at me like I was the enemy, after feeling so happy when you grasped onto my hand like that, right then....You know how I feel about us, so don’t undermine my feelings when they matter” 

"Please don't say that to me, not after all this.” She’s referring to his own feelings, because Clarke knows how hard he could fall for her. She wants to ignore her own heart because it’s been through too much heartbreak, and she can’t imagine a life without Bellamy. 

Clarke continues to use her soft voice and it's on the verge of getting on Bellamy's last possible nerve. Everything changed so quickly, from their intimate moment to feeling angry all over again. Now, she's pleading for him to change how he feels, acting like love doesn't evolve over time. 

Six years is alot of time. 

2,199 days was too long. 

"Maybe it's a good thing that you don't consider me as your partner anymore? It seems you only want me safe for your own benefit, because if you won't consider us as a team then what's stopping me from taking those guns and leaving?" Bellamy points to the pile of rifles and handguns in the corner, a helplessness to his voice because it’s next to the drawing of him and Clarke. She cared about him then, so she must care about him now. Nothing had to change. He guesses that death was the best category to put him in, and even though he's fuming, he realizes that he thought Clarke was dead. But no, she was drawing her friends watching the stars at night with her little one in her lap, stroking long hair and sleeping with tears down her face. 

"What’s stopping you?- she stops and points as well- “I'm tired of you being angry with me! Don't you dare tell me that I don't care about you, because you were the only thing keeping me alive!” Clarke yells, conflicted with the memory of Bellamy's hand in hers. 

“Do you really think I don’t care?” Bellamy questions, pain visibly written on his face because how dare she.

"You really think I'm willing to go on a suicide mission because I want to please all of them? To kill because it's fun and enjoyable? I'm doing it to help you." He admits, feeling his head spin. 

Clarke was the one to walk towards him, wanting to feel him so close because she can't go on any longer like this. Bellamy was right, he loved so much that he lost so many and his heart grasps onto anything to stay sane. 

Her boots were seemingly gliding across the floor with ease because her room was built on soft dew and grass, and definitely less stressful then dealing with Bellamy Blake. 

"Getting yourself killed won’t help me, and you know that” Clarke begins to say, a light playful smile formed on her face because she knows it'll make his lips curl, and she grasps for his forearm and pulls him close to her finally wanting to come to a compromise. Also, being that they were close together now, her mind racing with his facial features and confusion only made her feel more at ease. 

His hand finds a place on the side of her rib cage, letting his eyes do the talking. They were brown, big and bold, twitching to find any emotion in the ocean filled colored eyes that told so much horror and stories he's been dying to hear. 

"We've always been a team, you and I" Bellamy speaks up, licking his sudden dry lips. He couldn’t smile at her, it felt wrong to do like this. 

"You've reminded me at least twenty times" 

"You haven't taken into account how much that meant to me" 

"Of course I have, I know how we work Bellamy" Clarke replies, feeling his fingers tap against the side of her body as if he could hear the thumping of her own heart. 

"What they have...they could help all of us thrive. That's all we fought for all those years ago" Bellamy assures, the pain of memories and the past comes rushing back as Clarke just looks down at her feet for a few seconds. 

"I want you to go Bellamy" A simple answer after everything they've said, feeling like an eternity of fighting herself, if she's the one that sends him off to die. But he's right, if they were a team then, then she's sure they would be compatible and safe together. 

Bellamy pauses, not sure if he should feel relieved but he has to reassure her fears, “I'll be safe like always” 

Those three words seemed perfect for her next four. 

"I'll be by your side, fighting with you because that's what being co-leaders requires" Clarke holds the hand that's on her side, loving how he takes it immediately. 

"I'll be fighting for you...because I won't lose you" Her voice was so sure and tough, with words so important to the both of them. Clarke lets her hand guide into the mane of Bellamy's curls, feeling both of their hearts beat so intense with words she made sure didn't sound  ~~friendly.~~

Bellamy engulfs Clarke into a tight hug, lifting her off her feet just barely as both arms snake around her waist because it's been too long since they've felt at peace with eachother as people. With both of their eyes closed, enjoying the moment of being at uttermost peace and love, even if it was for just a couple more mere seconds, Bellamy feels her arm go around his neck and pull him impossibly close.

Is it the perfect time? To tell her how much he hated all of this, because he isn't sure if they'll be able to hug like this until after the war? 

"Clarke, I care about you alot" 

"I know, and I've always cared about you" 

Bellamy feels himself get choked up because this isn't gonna be the last time he would hold her like this, or argue about the necessity of survival and death, he wants it to be the beginning. 

"I want you to know, that I-I lo-" He gets cut off with a hand on his neck pulling him down to a beautiful worrisome face, and blue eyes gleaming at him, finally accepting whatever they fought over. 

"Don't say it yet, everytime we say it...we lose someone we care about." 

Bellamy feels his world stop but he slowly nods, “We care about eachother too much, is that it?.” He accepts that waiting is the better option, letting his heart beat rapid in his chest because of it. 

"When it's safe, then you could tell me. Just know that I feel it too...and I always have" She confirms his nod, a sad yet bright smile lights up Bellamy’s face. 

His world only gets bigger after that because love is sweet after you bleed victory. 

 


End file.
